Cowgirls Don't Cry ; Ride, Baby, Ride !

Ive often wondered, why is the life of a diabetic viewed so differently than someone who does not have it? Why would it matter if i was a country girl, with or without diabetes? Does it really make any difference at all? As long as I take my insulin, eat properly and exercise often, I should have the same blood sugar as everyone else, right? My brain should be able to aprehend just as much as a regular grade 12 student if I keep all these things inline and sleep on a pretty decent schedule. I dont understant it. Why do some people feel the need to comment on a disease someone has? Does it make them feel better about themself that they dont have to take needles, get blood taken every 3 months, experiment with different insulins, or feel like shit just because their diabetes decides to act out from time to time. Some people really dont understand how diabetes affects an individual, and how their words do actually affect my blood sugar. Since being diagnosed in May of 2012, I am absolutely appauled at how many disrespectful people there are. I mean, in all honesty, society is pretty harsh and judging to begin with, but to have the nerve to degrade someone because they have a chronic disease that they had no control over getting is absolutely disgusting.

Since my blog is based soley on my person experiences, I wanted to touch on the topic of being spoken down to due to being diabetic. Im sure I'm not the only Type 1 to ever experience this, but it certainly is not a feeling I enjoy to see people saying rude things about being diabetic. What is our society seriously coming to? Are we going to be rude to people with cancer, too? I write a blog, yes. I volunteer for the Canadian Diabetes Association, yes. I raise money for the Juvenille Diabetes Research Foundation by doing the walk for diabetes, yes. But somehow people still feel the need to say things on the internet to try and degrade me and make me feel bad? Ha. I laugh at every single one of you who have ever done this to either me, or another type one diabetic. You're absolutely pathetic. You are the kind of people who keep me going even more, and push me to take my insulin to keep on living, and eat healthy and exercise. Youre the ones I like to prove wrong, and push me want to make even more of a difference in the world. So what? I write a blog, and  you know what? I enjoy every second of it. The feed back I get from my posts gives me a feeling of accomplishment I cant even begin to explain. Ive been told I am an inspiration a lot more times than anyone has or will ever talk down about me because of my diabetes. Im able to joke around with my diabetes when it comes to sugery foods, or subjects people dont often like to touch on because of it and I love that Im able to do that. Someone wants to eat a cookie or doughnut around me? GIVE 'ER ! Ill eat my carrot sticks or whatever. Actually no, Ill have a bite of that cookie. And you know what? Id deserve it from putting up with so much crap from ineducated people in this world who are so ignorant to diabetes. I push through everything, no matter what. You want to talk rudely about me and my diabetes? Okay, walk a day in my shoes then. You wouldn't last past breakfast. I have "Strength" tattooed on my ribs for a reason, and a tattoo on my hip to recognize that I am diabetic and proud of it. So say what you want, I wont be the one actually getting laughed at. The fact that anyone even has the nerve to speak badly about a chronic disease is pathetic enough, but to do it to someone you actually know? Thats a whole new level of disrespect and ignorance. I truely believe in Karma and that what comes around goes around.  

Good Morning, Sunshine!

Diabetes is one of those things that I find people are scared of. I was in the washroom doing my insulin at work one night and a lady who appeared to be about 40 walked in and right off the bat, knew what I was doing. She proceeded to tell me that needles terrify her and that if she were a type 1 diabetic, she would never take them. I explained to her that I almost died as a result of not knowing I was diabetic and ignoring my symptoms, just the same as if I were to abrupty stop taking my insulin. Intrigued by what I was doing, she continued to ask me how I can just stab myself in the stomach and be okay with it. Lately, Ive had a lot of people ask me about my diabetes and how I manage it from day to day. Instead of explaing over and over, and telling people that I just take my insulin when I need to as well as scheduled meal times, I wanted to do an actual walk through a particular part of my day, the morning, so people can feel and experience in their minds what its like to walk in my shoes.

Your alarm goes off and you wake up, Its 6:45 in the morning and you're exhausted. You hear your favourite song "Rain is a Good Thing" by Luke Bryan blarring in your ear from your phone and you roll over and turn it off without realizing. You sleep for another few minutes, and then your 7:00AM alarm goes off, this time, to "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. You have a few alarms set because as a diabetic, you can be so tired for no reason and end up sleeping through the first alarm. The sun peeks through your blinds and engulfs your room as its own way of saying "Good Morning", so you get out of bed and automatically feel your entire body quivering from your nose to your toes. Your arms feel the worst, like you're sitting in a vibrating chair and cant change the settings, so you immediately sit up and reach for your glucose meter beside your emergency night time candies, crackers and sugar packed juice which was set out just incase of a low blood sugar spell in the middle of the night. You unzip the pouch, insert a test strip into the meter until it turns on and promptly asks you for a drop of blood. You begin to prepare your lancet. You pull the cap off, take out the colourful needle and walk down the hallway to throw it into the sharps container thats in the corner of your dining room cabinet that has its own designated spot for all of your diabetic belongings and "overstock". You add a different colour needle to the little lancet device, and put the cap back on, making sure that the lowest puncture setting is set for your girly little fingers. You massage your hands and fingers to get the blood pumping through them, and then push the hole in the cap of the lancet against your pinky finger the best that you can, and press the little unpleasant blue button to release the needle quickly, and almost painlessly, into your finger. It stings a little, kind of like an elastic being pulled on, and let go of onto the end of your finger, but it immediately goes away. The blood starts to slowly come out of your finger and you grab your meter and catch the blood with the little test strip. Your blood sugar reads 4.0 on the dot and you know automatically that any lower could cause you some trouble. You walk over to the kitchen, pour yourself a bowl of Kellogs Vanilla cereal and add 1% milk. You quickly glimpse at the nutrition facts to jog your memory as to how many carbs you are taking in, and savour every last bite because the vanilla has such a sweet taste that you do not get to taste to often in the day. You grab your glucose metre again and check your blood sugar. Its 6,5. Not too bad for just eating. Its 7:30 now and its time to take your long acting insulin, Novalin, the slow release insulin that keeps your sugar down throughout the day so you don't get random sugar high peaks. You walk back over to the cabinet, reach into the box of 100 needles, and grab one. You pull the thin, green sticker off the top of your 4mm needle case, and carefully twist it onto nova nordisk insulin pen so that you don't bend the needle even in the smallest way. You dial the pen to 27 units and you lift up your shirt and feel around for the most comfortable spot thats not too tender. You pull off the little clear cap that keeps the needle safe from any kind of pressure, then carefully take off the slender green one that barely covers the actual needle itself. You count to three, and fast, but with an extreme amount of caution and particular angling, pierce the skin of your stomach with the needle that is no longer in length than the nail of your pinky finger. You slide your hand up slowly to the top so that your thumb is pressing the opposite end, and push the little cap so the insulin is released inside of you. At first, your stomach feels warm where the insulin is spreading, then the insertion site of the needle starts to sting a bit. Once the cap is fully pushed in, you leave the needle inside your stomach for about 10 seconds so that you receive every drop. You pull it out at the exact angle you inserted it in so that there is minimal bleeding, and immediately the tiny little hole starts to sting a bit and a clear liquid, the insulin, secretes a small amount from it. You dance around, jump, skip, whatever you need to do, and wait for the insulin to be disributed to other parts of your stomach and  be less dense in one particular spot since its more of a throbbing pain now. You put the clear cap back on the needle and twist it off and throw it into the sharps container along with all your lancets. Its 7:40 and the bus comes in 15 minutes. You head to your room, plug in your straightener and throw on your uniform as it heats up. You start to straighten your hair that you washed in the shower the night before, being careful not to burn yourself as diabetics have a very difficult time healing from burns. Its then 7:50 and you hear the tractors and combines outside your window more vividly, and you know the everyone is starting to begin their day as well. You grab your things, throw on your backpack, and put your glucose meter and insulin pen/needles in your giant purse and head back to the kitchen. You woke up with a lower than normal blood sugar level this morning so you pack a few granola bars from the snack cupboard just incase your sugar drops before you get the chance to eat your lunch. You run out the door now that its 7:53, barely having enough time to put on your shoes, and jump on the bus where you finish off getting ready by popping in those head phones and listening to the knew Tyler Farr & Chase Rice songs you just downloaded the previous night to drown out the sound of screaming kindergarteners and obnoxious preteens, and finish doing your makeup. You then continue about your day being a normal teen who just so happens to have to stab themselves in the stomach or finger a few times a day. No big deal, right?

Of course, my mornings aren't always as perfect as this. There are days where I forget to take my slow release insulin and end up taking it at school, or wake up late and have to go toschool with low blood sugar because I dont have time to eat. Every single day is different. My afternoons and nights are not the same as my mornings, as thats when I'm the most active. The only thing thats really changes is my low blood sugars and my need to drop what I'm doing to grab a quick snack and check my blood sugar. Exercising can be a little challenging from time to time, which I will touch a little bit more on in a different blog post, but it definitely can lead to a low blood sugar that you can't notice. Besides episodes like this, my diabetes is managed just about the same way throughout the day. Its easy, just takes a lot of getting used to, a lot of time, and definitley routine and strength. I never once thought in a million years I would be giving myself needles on a daily basis, especially since they were my biggest fear as a child, but here I am now. Diabetes isn't changing your entire lifesyle for it, its making it your lifestyle. Its not hard, just takes a lot of practice and support from those around you!

Jenn :)

I'll Listen Till Your Tears Give Out

Not too often do I have days where I feel weak because for the most part, I know what makes me feel better. I've always been the strong one when it comes to my friends and I barely ever lean on anyone else when Im going through something since I'm pretty independant. Just today, I had one of those days where I felt like I couldn't be strong for everyoneone else anymore and had to be strong for myself for once. Lately there has been quite a lot going on in my life with friends and others that sometimes feels like a movie, and every now and then we all break down. Stress, as I mention often, is one of those things that Type 1 Diabetics really cannot afford since it does mess with our blood sugar and makes us feel even worse in the end, so when it comes to days like today, I look to a note that I wrote on facebook a few years ago when I was feeling like this and thought it would be an interesting blog post since I know a lot of people could relate to it.

Please note though, that there is swearing in this note. Theres nothing that anyone should take offense to, but I wrote exactly how I felt at the time and it helped to get my point and opinion across so please do not get upset about the odd "f-bomb" here and there.

"It all starts out so easy. Everything is handed to you on a plate, and you dont really think twice about a lot of things. The world seems so amazing in the eyes of a 5 year old, or even the eyes of a 12 year old. Life just passes you by, and everything is so simple. The hardest part about your day is getting out of bed, because your just so warm, and just so comfortable. Or maybe the fact that recess is over, because you want to keep playing those easy, childish games with your friends. Days, months, years go by and you barely even notice. But then one day, you just see it. You see how the world really works. Those friends you were playing with just the other day, yeah .. the ones you say your going to be best friends with forever? Well guess what, you're not going to be best friends forever. Forever does not exist. At some point, things do end. You may be in a car, driving for days and days, and you've been sitting in that same seat, and it feels like you're seeing the same things over and over, and it feels like you're never going to get there, but eventually you do. Your car ride ends and its all over. You'll never experience the same car ride again.. Or maybe someone tells you theyre going to be there for you forever, but guess what. theyre not. They'll definitely be there for you as much as they can, but theyre only going to be there for so long. People leave. They walk out of your life before you really get the chance to know them. Sure you may have been friends for since grade 5, since the very first day a your new school, but then they go to a different high school as you. You talk and stay in touch, but you never really hang out. Then everthing just stops. No texts, no phone calls, no messages, no nothing. You knew them for four years, but what the hell is 4 years out of like, the 70 that you're going to live? Did you really know them?  All thats left of them is the memories you made, the memories you cannot change. Thats the problem with people these days. They just walk out, they leave, and you're left to sit there and think "what the fuck did i do wrong"? Well, nothing of course. Nothings forever. Shit happens and people change. Some people change for the best, and some people change for the worst, and unfortunately thats also whats wrong with people in todays society. Barely anyone changes for the good anymore. Everyones too busy caught up with their looks, and their own problems. From the layers and layers of coverup and bronzer, to the fake eyelashes and nails, to working out for hours on end every night because they think they're fat, or theyre muscles arent big enough, to just not giving a fuck about anyone else but themselves. People are so selfish these days that they dont give a shit about your problems when you talk about them, and most people are happy that you have them so that theyre not the only ones going through shit. But between getting caught up in your own problems, and seeing so many fake people, you then find that one special thing, that ONE SPECIAL thing that you would give anything for. Youd take a bullet for; you'd fucking die for. Your life long dream.. but its so far out of reach that it feels like you have to swim across the ocean to get to it. So you give up. you just give up on everything because its too hard. Thats another thing people do way too much anymore. They give up. When things get hard they cant bare to face their problems and they run away like a little bitch. They wish they were young again, when things were easy.. but wishing isnt going to change anything. You have to be your own change. But people never see that. They expect everything to be handed to them on a silver fucking platter, or they try to escape. They turn to drugs, or they turn to alchohol, but thats only a temporary escape. Everythings still the same once you go back to your normal state of mind. Nothings ever simple, but an escape route is never the answer. You have to learn to fix things, to change things, because nothing is forever. NOTHING IS FUCKING FOREVER. You think you have everything, and in a split second it could all be gone. People take life for granted way to much. and thats the problem. Life can change in a moment, a heartbeat, or a flash .. and barely anyone ever sees that anymore. Were soo lucky to be alive, to have a beating heart, to be able to love, and to be able to live, that we get too caught up with lifes problems to see the things we should be out enjoying. You still have your whole life ahead of you so take a step back and look at yourself. REALLY look at yourself. Your a human, and you own your own life. You only have one, so live it, and live it BIG. Fall in love, fall out of love, and repeat until you know what its like to really love someone and be loved back. Dont hate everyone because of the things people have said or done to you. Dont get in the way of things you cant control because shit happens and people change, even though its a hard concept to understand, but you have to, and you learn to, otherwise your life isnt going to be much of anything except dwelling on your past and things you'll never be able to change. So live for something and live for yourself. Imagine. Inspire. Believe. Just let go of all the bullshit in your life, and all the useless things youd be better without and just live. Be something one day, make something of yourself and achieve your goals if its the last thing you do. Live your life and look back with no regrets ♥"

~ Jennifer O'Leary

January 27th 2011

Everytime Im upset and in a bad mood, I reread this over and over to remind myself that nothing is forever and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And of course, Life never throws something at you that you cannot handle. I try my best to push through everything bad that comes my way, and I even have "Strength" tattooed on me to remind myself to be strong and never to give up. Being diabetic, there are always going to be those days where you think you can't do it anymore and just wish you didn't have to stab your stomach with insulin needles and pierce your fingers with lancets to check your blood sugar, but its important to look at the positive things in life over the negatives, and remember that you can get through anything, you just have to find your purpose in life and reasons to be the happiest you can possibly be!

Jenn :)

"Spagetti"

Wow, Its been a long time since I last wrote a blog post! Cannot believe how crazy stressful Grade12 can be at times and how little time I have for anything. The last few days I have been really trying my best to find time for my blog since it has been a while, and thank God. Writing my blog is one of my biggest stress relievers. Anyways, its now November and as many of you fellow diabetics know, Novemeber is the month of Diabetes - November 1st is specifically for us Juvenille Diabetics! I just wanted to touch a little bit on what this means to me and how I've held my type 1 Diabetes close to my heart.

This has been my first year with Type 1 Diabetes. Actually, November 1st marks my 6 month anniversary of my diagnosis date, and it sure has been an interesting last 6 months, thats for sure. Being diabetic has definitely changed my outlook on life and how I view things that come my way. I believe that everything definitely happens for a reason and life never throws something at you that you cannot handle. I can say honestly that I treat people with more respect than I ever have before because you never know what someone could be going through and it sucks to have more stress than you need, especially as a type 1 diabetic. Between doctors appointments, A1C's, constant up and down blood sugar, and worrying about if you have emergency sugar incase it drops is enough stress, but I couldn't imagine the amount of stress someone who has cancer, or is a relative of someone battling cancer would be going through. Or even just people who have issues at home with maybe their parents being divored. Im sure no kind of tough situation has good stress, but nonetheless, theres no reason for extra.

Since being diagnosed, I also have had to opportunity to experience a lot of new things that I wouldnt have if I wasn't diabetic. I decided to do the JDRF walk for Juvenille Diabetes back in June and my team raised $500.00! It was my first time doing this event and will for sure be attending with even more team members next year! I also met Kayla Brown at the walk in brantford and for those of you who do not know Kayla, she is right on board with Type 1 Diabetes and has done many things regarding it, and was even interviewed on citytv London a few days ago! She write a diabetes blog as well (kaylaslifenotes.blogspot.com) and has for sure helped me from time to time when I needed it. I learned a lot of the things I needed to back in May by reading her blog and I'm so glad that diabetes has such an awesome support system!

Diabetes can be hard to live with sometimes but it definitely is manageable. You just have to keep going and remember that everything happens for a reason and life never throws something at you that you cannot handle. The best thing I ever did to help me came from my brother's girlfriend Sam Denney actually. When she was riding horses and got scared, she would count to three and say "Spagetti", so everytime I do my insulin now, I count to three and say "Spagetti" Works everytime! Anyways, as you go about your days in November, please recognize all of the hard working diabetics out there, yes, type 2 as well, and give them a pat on the back! They deserve it! Happy Diabetes Awareness Month everyone, and never forget, we can Dia-beat this ! :)

Jenn :)