I'll Listen Till Your Tears Give Out

Not too often do I have days where I feel weak because for the most part, I know what makes me feel better. I've always been the strong one when it comes to my friends and I barely ever lean on anyone else when Im going through something since I'm pretty independant. Just today, I had one of those days where I felt like I couldn't be strong for everyoneone else anymore and had to be strong for myself for once. Lately there has been quite a lot going on in my life with friends and others that sometimes feels like a movie, and every now and then we all break down. Stress, as I mention often, is one of those things that Type 1 Diabetics really cannot afford since it does mess with our blood sugar and makes us feel even worse in the end, so when it comes to days like today, I look to a note that I wrote on facebook a few years ago when I was feeling like this and thought it would be an interesting blog post since I know a lot of people could relate to it.

Please note though, that there is swearing in this note. Theres nothing that anyone should take offense to, but I wrote exactly how I felt at the time and it helped to get my point and opinion across so please do not get upset about the odd "f-bomb" here and there.

"It all starts out so easy. Everything is handed to you on a plate, and you dont really think twice about a lot of things. The world seems so amazing in the eyes of a 5 year old, or even the eyes of a 12 year old. Life just passes you by, and everything is so simple. The hardest part about your day is getting out of bed, because your just so warm, and just so comfortable. Or maybe the fact that recess is over, because you want to keep playing those easy, childish games with your friends. Days, months, years go by and you barely even notice. But then one day, you just see it. You see how the world really works. Those friends you were playing with just the other day, yeah .. the ones you say your going to be best friends with forever? Well guess what, you're not going to be best friends forever. Forever does not exist. At some point, things do end. You may be in a car, driving for days and days, and you've been sitting in that same seat, and it feels like you're seeing the same things over and over, and it feels like you're never going to get there, but eventually you do. Your car ride ends and its all over. You'll never experience the same car ride again.. Or maybe someone tells you theyre going to be there for you forever, but guess what. theyre not. They'll definitely be there for you as much as they can, but theyre only going to be there for so long. People leave. They walk out of your life before you really get the chance to know them. Sure you may have been friends for since grade 5, since the very first day a your new school, but then they go to a different high school as you. You talk and stay in touch, but you never really hang out. Then everthing just stops. No texts, no phone calls, no messages, no nothing. You knew them for four years, but what the hell is 4 years out of like, the 70 that you're going to live? Did you really know them?  All thats left of them is the memories you made, the memories you cannot change. Thats the problem with people these days. They just walk out, they leave, and you're left to sit there and think "what the fuck did i do wrong"? Well, nothing of course. Nothings forever. Shit happens and people change. Some people change for the best, and some people change for the worst, and unfortunately thats also whats wrong with people in todays society. Barely anyone changes for the good anymore. Everyones too busy caught up with their looks, and their own problems. From the layers and layers of coverup and bronzer, to the fake eyelashes and nails, to working out for hours on end every night because they think they're fat, or theyre muscles arent big enough, to just not giving a fuck about anyone else but themselves. People are so selfish these days that they dont give a shit about your problems when you talk about them, and most people are happy that you have them so that theyre not the only ones going through shit. But between getting caught up in your own problems, and seeing so many fake people, you then find that one special thing, that ONE SPECIAL thing that you would give anything for. Youd take a bullet for; you'd fucking die for. Your life long dream.. but its so far out of reach that it feels like you have to swim across the ocean to get to it. So you give up. you just give up on everything because its too hard. Thats another thing people do way too much anymore. They give up. When things get hard they cant bare to face their problems and they run away like a little bitch. They wish they were young again, when things were easy.. but wishing isnt going to change anything. You have to be your own change. But people never see that. They expect everything to be handed to them on a silver fucking platter, or they try to escape. They turn to drugs, or they turn to alchohol, but thats only a temporary escape. Everythings still the same once you go back to your normal state of mind. Nothings ever simple, but an escape route is never the answer. You have to learn to fix things, to change things, because nothing is forever. NOTHING IS FUCKING FOREVER. You think you have everything, and in a split second it could all be gone. People take life for granted way to much. and thats the problem. Life can change in a moment, a heartbeat, or a flash .. and barely anyone ever sees that anymore. Were soo lucky to be alive, to have a beating heart, to be able to love, and to be able to live, that we get too caught up with lifes problems to see the things we should be out enjoying. You still have your whole life ahead of you so take a step back and look at yourself. REALLY look at yourself. Your a human, and you own your own life. You only have one, so live it, and live it BIG. Fall in love, fall out of love, and repeat until you know what its like to really love someone and be loved back. Dont hate everyone because of the things people have said or done to you. Dont get in the way of things you cant control because shit happens and people change, even though its a hard concept to understand, but you have to, and you learn to, otherwise your life isnt going to be much of anything except dwelling on your past and things you'll never be able to change. So live for something and live for yourself. Imagine. Inspire. Believe. Just let go of all the bullshit in your life, and all the useless things youd be better without and just live. Be something one day, make something of yourself and achieve your goals if its the last thing you do. Live your life and look back with no regrets ♥"

~ Jennifer O'Leary

January 27th 2011

Everytime Im upset and in a bad mood, I reread this over and over to remind myself that nothing is forever and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And of course, Life never throws something at you that you cannot handle. I try my best to push through everything bad that comes my way, and I even have "Strength" tattooed on me to remind myself to be strong and never to give up. Being diabetic, there are always going to be those days where you think you can't do it anymore and just wish you didn't have to stab your stomach with insulin needles and pierce your fingers with lancets to check your blood sugar, but its important to look at the positive things in life over the negatives, and remember that you can get through anything, you just have to find your purpose in life and reasons to be the happiest you can possibly be!

Jenn :)